Thursday, March 3, 2016
Capital Cities - Safe and Sound
My Mario passed away this week and try as I may, because he passed away in our home while our family was asleep, I couldnt find a song to identify with his passing. This might sound crazy but I should explain.
When Bailey's was sick I took him to the vet because I was hoping that they could make him better. But they couldnt. They had him for a full day but he was shutting down, and there was nothing to be done but say our goodbyes and put him to sleep. It was horrible, I felt so bad that he had to go that way, in a cold exam room. I sobbed and sobbed over him. With my poor brother in the waiting room with our kiddo. My husband by my side the whole time. I couldnt stop apologizing to Baileys that there was nothing I could do,and how sorry I was for this. The vet let us take our time as long as we needed to say our goodbyes. He was amazing even under these circumstances and I very much appreciate his thoughtfulness in that he stayed for us as long as we needed.
When I got in the car to go home after that experience this song was playing when the car started, and I just cried my eyes out. So much so that my kiddo said, "Mommy when are you going to stop crying?!" Inside? Probably never. I miss Bailey's, he was a mean little cuss but I miss him so much. But I had Mario to go home with (he was with us to understand that Bailey's was gone). And he became my little king! for 3 more years. I loved that little boy.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I noticed that Mario was breathing extremely hard, it was taking his whole body to breathe. He wasn't just panting hard. I took him to the vet because he was so labored. He saw the same vet who helped us with Bailey's. He took Xrays and explained that Marios heart was really big and he didn't have a nice strong heartbeat like before. He said Congestive Heart Failure, gave me medication and told me that best case scenario that should help for a while. But there wasn't any guarantee. Mario did great for about 2 weeks. Ate his food took his meds, and drank a lil more water. Then he stopped eating, and drinking. It degenerated from there. to where he couldn't stand. He had already been sleeping alot for a long time, but this was different, he would just lay down in odd positions in odd places. My heart was hurting for him.
The night he passed away, my husband didn't want to move him from the bed next to me. Hubby said he was comfortable and to leave him there (hubby is a saint, he took the couch over moving my 16 year old baby). We put pads under him and towels and he stayed next to me all night. I woke up several times in the night and he was still breathing heavy. We had already had our conversation, that it was ok to let go. I would miss him, but that I loved him with all my heart. To tell Bailey's I missed him and loved him, and to go play over the rainbow bridge. There wouldn't be anymore struggling to breathe, and that I would see him again one day. I fell asleep again after petting his head and telling him I loved him, and when I woke again at 5 in the morning he was gone.
But the house was silent. I am this person who associates music to everything. Songs I hear in passing take me back to times gone by that I might have forgotten until I hear it. I realized after a while that this song could be the song for both of my sweet boys. *tears* Because Mario passed in our home next to me, and maybe he felt Safe and Sound to let go where he was. I didn't want him to be alone, though I wish I had been awake to give him pets and love as he went on his way. I sure do miss him, and his doggy smile, his tip tap on the floor as he walked through the house, his barking at me to put him on the bed with me, his happy dance at dinner time. All of it.